We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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