The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
