The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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