Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
