Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
