FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
