why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
