you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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