went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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