Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
