I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
