I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
