I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
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You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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