we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Your penis caused this!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
