I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The adults are the big ones right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
