she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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