my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you will always have a special place in my vag
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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