I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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