I hate your face
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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