Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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