Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
