im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
