Me too!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
