You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
where are my eyebrows?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
