On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
