he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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