I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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