I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
