Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
