actually, I'm a sock model
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
