just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
