It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize