I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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