remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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