I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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