On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i think my cat just said my name.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
