speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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