You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
