There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
