You're earring is so big in my mouth
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can't turn off my feet"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
