i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
