my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
