I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
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Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They have beer where we have blood.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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