I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
