3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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