My sheets look like a crime scene.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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