i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
