my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
