I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
