I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
