he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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