What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
