he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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