oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize