I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
