I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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