we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Shame is for Republicans.
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