speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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