Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
