woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
