the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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