dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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