I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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