Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I did not marry a roomba.
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