people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize