remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
