Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
