my being single is dangerous.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
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They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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