You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
