Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
