Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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