i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
