a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
