a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out