For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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