this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF