What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.