Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He better not be in your backpack
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
