If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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