Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
