i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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